Insults
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. *If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. *Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck. *Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair. *I hear you pick your friends...to pieces!! *I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. *They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. *You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for. *People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! *You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals. *I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more! *If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide! *Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get. *I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others? *Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. *People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. *Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. *The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. *I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. *When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. *I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. *I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. *I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. *I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. *Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker. *People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. *Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! *We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. *When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. *The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. *You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. *You are just like a set of railroad tracks: getting laid all across the country. *All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account? *I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. *No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. *There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. *Sit down and give your mind a rest. *Your knees haven't touched in a decade. *When you were young, the Dead Sea was just sick. *I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! *I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so. *Man alive! But I wish you weren't. *I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. *Oh my God, you look horrible! Have you been sick? *Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. *That insult is staler than your breath. *You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. *Just eyeing your face now, I am not in the mood for pepperoni. *You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you. *Where did you here that, on a blog? *We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. *I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. *There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. *All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could. *I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. *Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. *You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. *It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it. *If I told you to act your age, you'd die! *I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. *When it rains, are you always the last one to know? *You don't need Rogaine for that bald patch, you need MiracleGro. *You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. *To you, a paycheck is what you spend on your wardrobe. *In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." *If brains were taxed, you would get a rebate. *We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral. *You are so old, you fart dust! *We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. *I sent your photo to Extreme Makeover and What Not to Wear, and now they are fighting over you. *When it rains, are you always the last one to know? *Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? *The 90s called, and they want their wardrobe back. *The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. *It must have hurt really badly when your daddy dropped you. *Things taught in history classes must have been current events for you. *When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents. *You actually have to know what those words mean to use them. *I thought about you when I went to the museum... *You need twice as much sense to be a half-wit. *I do like your cologne. But must you marinate in it? *Oh look! A Mini-Me! *You would need to grow six inches to qualify for a Napoleonic complex. *You are so short you can give blowjobs standing up. *Where did you hear that, a blog? Category:Language Humor